Monday, May 25, 2015

My Lifelong Dream {Part 2}: Being a Mom

Yesterday I wrote about the fulfillment to my dream of being a wife.  God has blessed me richly in the man He blessed me with to call my husband.  I am very grateful.

I must confess though that some days I wallow in my grief that now is not God's timing for us to be parents, for me to be a mom.  We have been married for just over two years (I understand that is not long at all), and I am sure you can imagine how many comments we/I get asking when we are going to start a family.  I know they mean well, but this hurts.  It hurts deeply.  I remember hearing people say how hard it was for them to hear these comments, and I now understand.

We want to add to our family, but know that responsibly, now is not the right time.  My head doesn't question this at all.  My heart on the other hand, struggles at times to be content.

Going back to yesterday's post, another recurring thought happens later in the day as my husband drives home from work: "I can't wait for him to get home.  We get to spend the whole evening together!"  I am still slightly {okay, very} possessive of my husband.  I love any, and all, time we get to spend together.

While I so badly want to grow our little family, I don't want to wish these years away.  These years where our family consists of just two adults.  I constantly am reminding myself that we will never get these years back when we are young and it is just the two of us.

In talking to many older and wiser woman, I hear a common piece of advice, "Enjoy these years, because they don't last."  I am in a phase of life right now.  I don't know how long this phase will be, but it is the phase the Lord has me in.  I don't want to waste it wishing to be a mom.

Currently, I am a wife to a wonderful man.  The days will come, Lord willing, when it won't just be the two of us.  Those days are in God's timing.  Until then, I bask in the blessing of marriage and the gift we have in spending time just the two of us.

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