Friday, August 9, 2013

To Never Grow Old

I am a newlywed.  More commonly than I should, I hate being called that.  I don't want people to know we just got married in May, but instead for them to think we have been married for a few years.  Another reason I hate people to call me a newlywed is because far too often, I feel belittled by that title.  "Aww, you don't know anything yet." "You just wait, you won't keep that up." "You do that now, but give it time and you won't."  These are the comments that make me hate being called a newlywed.  I never want to grow old to the point that I loose the spark that too many people consider only for newlyweds.

Now, I preface this post with stating I realize that we still have so much to learn.  We know so little and are still learning and growing.  There are hardships still ahead of us.  We are human and the "young love" we have now, can easily grow dim.  I believe we both have a healthy realization of this.  What I also believe is that with work from both sides, we can keep the same "young love" (only ever growing deeper) for the entirety of our life together.

All this being said, here are a few things I don't ever want to grow old between my sweet mister and I even after we've been married over the 5 year mark of still being technically considered "newlyweds".

1) I love you.  When we first started dating, we intentionally did not use the word "love".  To us, that was a powerful word, and we wanted to take the time to allow the initial "like" to become "love".  We also did not ever want to overuse this word, resulting in its loss of meaning.  We say "I love you" a lot to each other, but because of our slow beginning, we both know this word is treated with seriousness and we have thought long and hard about its meaning.  When we say it, we mean what we are saying.  Here we are our first year of dating, at "Likers Leap" (more commonly referred to as Lovers Leap).  We enjoy driving by it now and calling it Lovers Leap!

2) Welcoming him home.  For those of you who do not know, my husband currently works second shift, meaning he doesn't get home until around 1am from work.  For those of you who do not know, my husband's wife (me) turns into a pumpkin at about 9pm.  I had always looked forward to welcoming my husband home from work.  I feel it is a deserved honor for him after working a long hard day to provide for his family.  I want him to look forward to coming home each day.  When we learned of his going to be on second shift, I really had to (and still do at times) wrestle with my bad attitude.  I have to adjust some things on my part to be awake and alert when he gets home.  I enjoy sometimes making signs for him to feel all the more special when he walks in the door.  I pray he never sees a decline in my doing this.

 I don't about the rest of you wives out there, but my husband is not a talker.  Sometimes I feel like I have to drag words out of his mouth to hear about things going on in his life.  One thing I have learned is that my husband shares the most about work immediately after he gets home.  I love hearing about what went on that day at work for him, and therefore it makes it all worthwhile to stay awake.

3) Making his lunch.  Most people despise packing lunches.  I hated packing my lunch in school, but ever since getting married, I genuinely enjoy making lunch for my husband before he goes to work.  There is an adventure aspect of it for me as I try to make it something special that he will enjoy eating, and will appropriately scream I-am-no-longer-a-bachelor-and-therefore-have-more-than-a-peanut-butter-and-jelly-sandwich-now.  This is one I know I have to be on guard for becoming routine that I lose the enjoyment, and his lunches get more dull.

4) Acts of service.  The joy of being a new wife is overwhelming at times.  I have spent my life dreaming of being a wife: making meals, keeping home, doing laundry, etc.  My time has come, and I am doing just that.  Now, I know there is no rule that says the wife has to cook, clean, and do laundry.  In fact, my husband is amazing at stepping in and helping out with these.  With all of this being so new, I thoroughly enjoy doing these things in our home.  Makes me feel more wifely.  I hear so many "oldyweds" (if I may call them that) saying "oh, he can put away his own laundry" and other things providing the facts that he is capable.  I know full well my husband is capable of doing these things, but I enjoy doing them for him.  I find complete joy in providing a clean home for my husband to come home to  Neither of our love languages is acts of service, but why should that stop me from expressing my love to him by doing these.  I will say he does different acts of service for me.  For instance, I am fully capable of pumping my own gas, I have done it more time then I can even count, yet my husband still does his best to fill up my car's gas tank before it gets empty enough where I do it.

5) Seeking to please.  In the things I do, I enjoy trying to find ways that will be extra special for my husband.  He doesn't tell me "uhh, I like it this way, so I request that you please do it this way".  No way!  Let me give an example.  I am not always able to do this, but I do my best to cook meals I know my sweet mister will like.  I know there will be (and are) times I will have to cook a meal that might not be his favorite, but I try to keep the majority of our meals something he really enjoys.  Just because I am cooking, does not mean I cook something he dislikes, put it in front of him and say "you eat this, or you go without eating" (which I did get that "aww, you will soon change" advice recently from a woman who had been married over 25 years [she said it was her right after all these years]).

We understand life happens to an extent and things may not always be able to be like this, but who says we can't keep doing this.  I understand the day will come when we have kids and I am not able to welcome my husband home at the door with my hair and teeth brushed.  But who says I can't strive to keep that the minority?  It is my hope and prayer, that we never lose the newlywed sparkle in our eye or joy in simply being together and married.

How long have you been married, and what are some special things you have been able to hold on to since your wedding, and hope you never lose in the years to come?  Comment below.

So, it is with pride that I say: I am a newlywed.  We have a new and fresh love between us that drives us to do things too many people lose.  I pray we don't fall into that, but that even after 25, 40, 50 plus years of marriage, people still see us as newlyweds.


  1. Amazing thoughts! We have the same opinion: you CAN act like newlyweds for the rest of your lives. I think the most common "that will change" statements we hear are about Tim's opening the car door for me or us holding hands in public.

    I think so many people go into marriage thinking that they'll be different and not change, but then life happens. It's our responses to difficulties in the relationship that cause the changes. Maybe he starts coming home late from work without letting her know, so she quits greeting him at the door because she's mad at him for not communicating. Maybe she is continually picking at him in public over a couple of things, so he stops holding her hand because he doesn't feel like communicating love to her.

    It's a lot of work to make sure these "little things" are addressed, but it's totally worth all the effort and tears!

  2. Kathleen, we get the door and holding hands ones a lot too. I think your comment on "making sure these little things are addressed" is key.